I’m feeling empty again.

Mia hasn’t shown her face in awhile… but only time will tell.
I’m scared. I never want her to come back. And yet, when I feel like I’ve eaten too much or I haven’t done anything productive, I know she’s waiting for me. Beckoning me.
But I resist. Because I need to.

Not because I want to.

She never leaves me. She stays locked in a cage in the corner of my mind and only I have the power to let her out.

Except… sometimes she escapes.

She whispered to me,

“Do you not see?” her eyes shone; crazed, but beautiful.
“See? See what?”
A ghost of a smile danced upon her lips.
“Here.”
And in her hand was a gash. Multiple gashes. Red satin lines blinding me, yet I could not look away.
“Why?”
“Because.” she simply said.
Then I lost her completely.

I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.

Edgar Allan Poe (via lipsticksmiles) +

I am tired.

Of this. Of us. Of how we were. Of time. Of me.

She’s broken.

She wonders how anyone could possibly survive with this feeling.
Emptiness. Regret. From what? For feeling this way? Or for still cherishing their memories together..?
She keeps telling herself she’s fine. She’s moving on.. but if she really looks, she’s only “moved” a few inches. She’s beyond repair.
How could anyone want to fix her when she’s been hurt so many times? When she’s so damaged that she won’t let any man in? When she can’t trust anymore? What has happened to her?
She doesn’t know.
She wishes she had never loved.
Her heart is numb.

He was everything.

He really was. I can’t believe that he could ever do anything like this.. maybe I could, but I’d never believe it. He was my soul. I never thought it could be possible for him to do something so horrible. So harsh.

But he did.

Now, I am left broken. Detached. Rejected. Whilst he is living his life, moving on.. happy. And I am shattered beyond repair.

Are you ever in a position,

where you feel like you could do anything even though, deep inside, you know you shouldn’t?

Like when you’re on a high or if you’re unbelievably drunk?

Or… when you’re in a club; strobe lights are flashing, the music’s pumping, the girlfriend’s at home and there’s a fine, sexy latina chick grinding incredibly close to your nether region.

You feel invincible and you know that what your girlfriend doesn’t know won’t hurt.

So, you do it anyway. You kiss her, grope her, dance til you’re both covered in each other’s sweat.

… Only after, does it hit you. When you’re sobering up and you see your girlfriend’s beautiful face on the wallpaper of your mobile.

What have you done?

You know,

I always thought this would be easy.. that moving on would gradually becoming a simple, effortless task.
But, it’s not.
So much memories - experiences that fill you up.. that you can’t ever erase; no matter how many times you wish you could. It stays.
Like some unforgivable stain you badly want to wash off but it just won’t disappear.

You have become a burden.